Is it complacency or balance? The heart of work life balance issues.

“My career defines me; it’s who I am since I’ve graduated.  But climbing [the corporate ladder] hasn’t made me happy and where I’m spending my energy is all wrong.  Maybe I just need to be complacent and stop worrying about getting to the next level.”

This is the gist of a conversation I had with a new client earlier this week.  I could sense the frustration and pain, and it was a feeling that was all too familiar.  I’ve had the exact same work life balance issues.

You spend years building a successful career and teaching other people what to expect of you, but then one day, you wake up and realize you want something more than that. 

But changing is not that easy.  You can’t just wake up one day and instantly have a different life. 

It takes work, determination, and sacrifice. 

It requires consistency of action when you start to doubt your choices – ALL your choices. 

It brings up all kinds of tough questions:

Where is the line between a strong work ethic and a balanced life? 

How can I still feel good about the work that I’m doing when I take my foot of the pedal? 

And will my peers view me as lazy or smart when I channel my drive into the pursuit of balance?

It takes a yearning deep in your core for something more: bigger, deeper, truer.

If that yearning is there, all the rest will fall into place. 

Trust me.

I know because this was me just a handful of years ago.  I woke up one day and realized that the life I was living wasn’t what I wanted – I was overworked and emotionally undernourished, constantly plugged in and perpetually disconnected, superficially successful and completely crushed on the inside.  I knew I didn’t want to live that way anymore, and from that day forward, nothing was the same.

There were lots of bumps in the road on my journey – friends that came and went, jobs that inspired but exhausted me, jobs that bored me to tears, lessons learned on my yoga mat about who I was and what I wanted, and (perhaps) a few too many beers along the way. 

There was also real connection – with my man, with friends, with family, trips abroad that affirmed how truly blessed and loved I was, nourishment for my body and soul, and professional opportunities that affirmed my worth.

Your journey will look completely different from mine.  It will be YOURs and yours alone, but I am here to guide and support you along the way.

All you have to do is put up your hand and ask.

And feel that undying, ravenous urge inside of you to live the life of your dreams. 

Are you ready?

This Single Daily Activity Will Change Your Life

When I hit rock bottom in my consulting career, I was miserable to be around.  All I did was bitch and complain – about inadequate management, lazy coworkers, my morning commute, crappy clients, my aching back, my messy house.  You name it, and I found a way to complain about it.Guess where all that got me?

Nowhere. 

I felt all alone.

Like there was no one in the world who could understand what I was going through.  Like I was working harder than everyone and no one appreciated ME.  Like I was the lynch pin holding it all together and that if I took a step away, the whole world would come crumbling down.

I hadn’t quite realized yet that my world was already crumbling.

There’s something really subtle here that was preventing me from “seeing the light”…

chronic stress

It wasn’t that no one was appreciating me.  IT WAS THAT I WASN’T APPRECIATING ANYONE ELSE.

By focusing on the lack and frustration in my life, I had blinders on when it came to seeing the good things around me.

Once I started to approach my day, my work, my coworkers, and my husband with gratitude, there was an instant shift.

I stopped feeling alone; I was a supported member of a team.  I realized that I wasn’t the only one effective at getting things done, but that in my blindness, I’d failed to utilize the strength in others.  All of a sudden the tightness in my back, which was likely caused by chronic stress, lessened – I felt looser and freer.

The practice of gratitude allowed me to see the world around me in a completely different way than I had previously been experiencing it.  And the world around me hadn’t really changed, but I had.

Now, I spend a few minutes each morning consciously being grateful for the opportunities that will be available to me in the day ahead – even when my mornings are hectic I find a way to get this done: in the shower, during my workout, in the car, as I’m making breakfast.   

I end my day sharing at least 3 things that I’m grateful for with my husband (usually, once the list starts, it expands way beyond just 3 things).  This has been a really beautiful thing for us to do together and has strengthened our relationship in unmeasurable ways.  Who can you share your gratitude with?

Now, it’s your turn. 

TAKE INSPIRED ACTION: How can you consciously practice gratitude every day?

5 Signs You Should Leave Your Job

If you’ve read my story, or ever talked to some of my friends and family, you’ll know the one thing I happen to be really good at is changing jobs (check out my job history here).  It’s not that I’m restless… it’s just that I don’t believe in being unhappy.  If you are not happy, there is an opportunity to make changes. Now, I’m not saying to go out and quit your job tomorrow (although wouldn’t that be nice!) or that corporate jobs are BAD, BAD, BAD (they’re not – I have one that’s just fine).  What I am saying is that if any one of these 5 signs you should leave your job resonates with you, it’s time to reevaluate your career and to make a plan to move forward.

1. You dread going to work everyday

This is a no brainer.  Sure, all of us have days where we’re just not feeling our jobs… but when those days turn into EVERY DAY, it’s time to move on.  Do you dread getting up every morning knowing where you’re headed?  Do you show up later and later all the time?  It’s time, friend.

2. Your heart’s not in it

Having a career that you love – one that challenges, pushes, and inspires you – is a major part of living your best life.  If you work a 40-hour work week, you’re spending 35% of your waking hours each week at work (not counting any commuting time or extra hours).  Don’t you want to spend that 35% of your time doing something you love?

3. You feel taken advantage of

Someone once said to me, “You set the expectations people have for you within your first few weeks at a job.”  If you’re dedicated and hardworking, I’m positive you let that shine through during those opening months, but many times that means you’re the go-to person, putting in long hours, saying “yes” too often, doing whatever you can to make it work.  What happens when you decide you need balance? 

In my experience, I’ve found that it is very hard to change those perceptions after they’ve been established and reinforced by your actions.  You’re stuck in that role as if your feet are stuck in cement blocks.  And often, there are negative repercussions to scaling back – you may be viewed as lazy or not-committed, even though you’ve gone above and beyond for a long time.  Often, it’s just easier to start over and set the expectations from the start.

4. You want to develop new skillsets

As I mentioned before, your work should challenge you and I believe you should always be presented with opportunities to grow professionally.  It’s also becoming more and more valued to have a varied skillset, as technology and management direction can sometimes change on a dime.  If your job isn’t creating growth opportunities for you, it’s time to move on. Sidenote: Sure, you could do this on your own, as well, but your company will directly benefit from your growth, so shouldn’t they shoulder some of the burden as well?

Even if you don’t necessarily want to grow and be challenged, there’s also something to be said for doing the same job at different companies.  Different processes, different cultures, different people all contribute to a completely different experience, one with its own set of unique challenges.

5. You find yourself continually saying, “I’ll leave this job when…”

This is something I keep hearing from friends.  All different friends, in all different industries (but all women).  Most often the when is “when I have kids” but I’ve also heard “when I finish this project”, “when I get through this month”, and “when my husband earns more money”, amongst others. 

Women are more likely to stay in a job longer than men, even when it’s clearly time to move on.  I have to ask, what are we waiting for?  Are we really okay with being unhappy until that when scenario actually happens, IF it happens?  Why not take action now and do something that makes us happy, even if it’s only for a short while?

If while you were reading this you thought, “Yes… this is totally me, but I’m scared to move”, you’re in the right place.  Changing isn’t easy, whether it’s a job, a bad habit, or sometimes even just out of your pajamas. 

If you’re nervous or scared, that’s what I’m here for and one of the main reasons that I created my Lifestyle Design coaching.  I’ve been through this process [several times] and am finally in the right place.  I’m here to share everything I’ve learned and walk you through this process step by step so you come out on top.