How I Grew Beyond My Resume

When I was working as an engineer, I overextended myself for resume cred.

I enrolled in a part-time Master’s program.  I volunteered as a project lead for an international project in my “spare time”. I applied for committee positions in various professional organizations.  I attended networking events (and hated every second of them).  I got licensed as a Professional Engineer.  I pursued LEED certification.  The list goes on and on…

If it was out there, I wanted it next to my name. 

Doing all these things made me look better on paper (I was constantly being recruited for new and exciting positions), but there was a problem with my strategy: I wasn’t actually learning how to be a better engineer, a better leader, a better mentor, OR a better person.

I was just focused on the next big thing to get ahead.

Now, one might argue that the experience and education I was receiving were planting the seeds that I needed to be a better engineer, leader, mentor, and person, but in reality, I was just going through the motions.  My focus was on getting ahead, not on development and growth.

I’d been taught to check the boxes, to be the first to the finish line, and that more is always better.  And I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to be the best at it.

Fast forward a few years… After I burned out and stepped away from my engineering career, one of the first things I did was pare down my commitments. 

Initially, it came out of necessity; I just didn’t have the energy to continue living and working that way. 

But then, I started to realize how good it felt to be in control of where I spent my time and energy.  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt fully present and invested in the choices that I was making for myself and my career.  Instead of focusing on what I “should” do, I was focused on what I really wanted to do – work that was exciting to me, new challenges in different industries, volunteering with organizations that shared my beliefs, and taking classes that propelled me to a whole new level, personally and professionally.

I stopped feeling defined by my credentials and started to see my value in terms of my priorities, my beliefs, my core values, and my innate strengths.

I had grown beyond my resume. 

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Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring bringing more of YOU to the forefront in your work. 

Today, I’d love to hear from you: do you feel defined or pigeon-holed by your credentials and frustrated with all the things you “should” do?  Or have you found a way to bring your whole self to the table and be successful?

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The Good Side of Escaping

Last week, on Facebook, I opened up about the Year of Sobriety my husband and I are about 10 months into.  Amongst other things, I shared how I no longer feel a need to escape and use alcohol as a tool to do so.  For years, I used endless happy hours and boxes of wine to hide the fact that I increasingly loathed my job and life (a coping mechanism I picked up as a teenager and one that was reinforced in the college party scene).  You can pop over here to read the full post.

So, OF COURSE, this weekend I was reminded that escape isn’t all about hiding from things we don’t want to face.  Escape can also be GOOD and therapeutic.  Escape can be exactly what we need to reclaim who we are.

I escaped this weekend and it felt incredible.

For the first time all summer, I took three whole days all for me (and my husband).  I barely touched my phone, except to snap and share a few select pics, I tried new things (hello, surfing!), I soaked in sun and surf (my happy place), I savored Instagram-worthy meals without Instagramming them (gasp!), I had an enlightened conversation with a couple of strangers who were simultaneously wise beyond their years and aching to “grow up” (brought me back to some critical formative years), and most importantly, I reconnected with many of my core desired feelings and values: freedom, ease & grace, connection.

The truth is, it's easy to get caught in the daily grind and lose sight of what's really important and why it is that we do what we do.  Sometimes, peeling away the layers of to-do’s and stepping out of our everyday lives is what we need to help us reconnect with our priorities and put the day-to-day drama into perspective.

This weekend I got to thinking: Why do I work so hard?  Partly because I love what I do and feel the need to bring huge value to the world by being of service to others.  And partly because I want to create more space, more freedom, more ease, more love, more laughter, and more control over my destiny AND my days.  Isn’t that what we all want?

Careers are vehicles that are meant to support lives we love (not loathe) to live.  They’re just a piece of our lives that are meant to complement the whole, but they too easily become all consuming – which is where the escape comes in.

Unfortunately, escaping on the regular for an entire weekend is just not realistic.  And, sometimes, waiting until the weekend to create space is just not going to cut it.  Thankfully, there are things that can be done every day to create the same space and freedom that a weekend away will.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite inspired ideas, but for now I’d love to hear from you: what do you do when you desperately need to escape but can’t?

To Do: The Done List

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your To-Do list and have too much to do at work ? Like - no matter what you do, it just keeps growing and growing and you just can't get ahead.Well, I've got a solution for you! Watch this week's quick video tip to learn a 5-minute strategy to help you stress less and celebrate more.

After you watch the video, comment below and share how this practice will help you stress less and CELEBRATE MORE.

10 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself after a Stressful Day

Whether it’s a demanding boss, a looming deadline, a big presentation, or a challenging client, stressful days happen. 

In the midst of a total burnout, I left the office stressed to the max every day and learned the hard way that the worst thing you can do is to take it home with you. 

Stress is like a black mold; it’ll spread to every aspect of your life if you let it.  Stress nearly destroyed my relationship; my husband hated coming home to me and worked late so he didn’t have to.  It devastated my health.  I put on weight and was embarrassed by my body.  I used alcohol as an escape instead of dealing with my problems.  I used caffeine to fight the fatigue I felt all day, but that just kept me up all night.

It took me years to fix what chronic stress did to my life.

Let’s be honest: no matter how positive or present you are, stress is sometimes unavoidable.  Fortunately, it is possible to leave a stressful day at the door.  Use a bad day as a catalyst to be kind to yourself.These ten tips for self-care offer simple ways to flip the stress switch off. 

1. Practice Gratitude

First things first: flipping the stress switch off starts with a mindset shift.  It can be easy to focus on the things that went wrong.  Shift your perspective by spending a few minutes being grateful for the good things that happened during the day. 

2. Get Moving

Exercise has been shown to alleviate stress by releasing mood-boosting endorphins, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend hours at the gym after a long day.  Go for a quick walk around your neighborhood, string together a series of sun salutations, or throw an impromptu dance party in your living room.

3. Take a Shot

A wheatgrass shot, that is.  Stress – even acute stress – can create an acidic pH in the body, which leads to insomnia, fatigue, nervousness and anxiety.  To fight the acidity, take a shot of wheatgrass.  Not only is wheatgrass alkalizing to the body, its full of vitamins and minerals that help fight free radicals, it detoxifies the liver and blood stream, and it promotes healing of cells in the body.  Grab a shot at a local juice bar on the way home or keep powdered wheat grass on hand for easy access.

4. Order Take-out

What?  A health coach encouraging you to order take out?  Look- you’ve had a long day… the last thing you need is adding the stress of cooking and cleaning to the mix.  Just stick with real, whole foods – like a yummy seasonal salad (dressing on the side), vegetable curry, a burrito (hold the cheese and sour cream), or steamed veggies with rice. 

5. Enjoy a Glass of Wine

Alcohol is naturally soothing and can help you sleep.  Wine, especially red wine, has added health benefits of reducing your risk of heart attack, heart disease, stroke, cancer, cataracts, and type II diabetes, promoting brain health, and helping you live longer.  But, take everything in moderation – enjoy a single glass of wine at dinner.

6. Have a Treat

Sugary treats will only leave you feeling worse in the long term, but if you want a little after dinner treat, nibble on a piece of antioxidant rich dark chocolate.  Look for something with a high cacao content (70% or higher) to fight free radicals and oxidative stress. 

7. Unplug Before Bed

Stress often leaves us “tired but wired” – zapped of energy, but unable to sleep.  Add artificial light from TV and computer screens to the mix and the problem only gets worse; screen lights impact melatonin production and throw off circadian rhythms, preventing deep, restorative sleep. To ensure a good night’s rest, spend at least 1 hour before bed unplugged.

8. Sweat It Out

Stress can be toxic, but a 20-minute detox bath can be enough to start cleansing the body.  Add 5-10 drops of your favorite essential oil, 2 cups of Epsom salts, and 1 cup of baking soda to a hot bath (you want it hot enough to make you to sweat!).

9. Do An Inversion

Spending a few minutes in shoulder stand or with legs up the wall can do wonders for releasing stress.  Not only do inversions offer a change in perspective, they also reverse the effects of gravity on your body by improving circulation and lymph flow and bringing blood and oxygen to the brain.

10. Set an Intention

Don’t let a stressful day set the tone of the rest of your week.  Consciously set an intention that will create ease and grace in your life tomorrow and every day after.

Is it complacency or balance? The heart of work life balance issues.

“My career defines me; it’s who I am since I’ve graduated.  But climbing [the corporate ladder] hasn’t made me happy and where I’m spending my energy is all wrong.  Maybe I just need to be complacent and stop worrying about getting to the next level.”

This is the gist of a conversation I had with a new client earlier this week.  I could sense the frustration and pain, and it was a feeling that was all too familiar.  I’ve had the exact same work life balance issues.

You spend years building a successful career and teaching other people what to expect of you, but then one day, you wake up and realize you want something more than that. 

But changing is not that easy.  You can’t just wake up one day and instantly have a different life. 

It takes work, determination, and sacrifice. 

It requires consistency of action when you start to doubt your choices – ALL your choices. 

It brings up all kinds of tough questions:

Where is the line between a strong work ethic and a balanced life? 

How can I still feel good about the work that I’m doing when I take my foot of the pedal? 

And will my peers view me as lazy or smart when I channel my drive into the pursuit of balance?

It takes a yearning deep in your core for something more: bigger, deeper, truer.

If that yearning is there, all the rest will fall into place. 

Trust me.

I know because this was me just a handful of years ago.  I woke up one day and realized that the life I was living wasn’t what I wanted – I was overworked and emotionally undernourished, constantly plugged in and perpetually disconnected, superficially successful and completely crushed on the inside.  I knew I didn’t want to live that way anymore, and from that day forward, nothing was the same.

There were lots of bumps in the road on my journey – friends that came and went, jobs that inspired but exhausted me, jobs that bored me to tears, lessons learned on my yoga mat about who I was and what I wanted, and (perhaps) a few too many beers along the way. 

There was also real connection – with my man, with friends, with family, trips abroad that affirmed how truly blessed and loved I was, nourishment for my body and soul, and professional opportunities that affirmed my worth.

Your journey will look completely different from mine.  It will be YOURs and yours alone, but I am here to guide and support you along the way.

All you have to do is put up your hand and ask.

And feel that undying, ravenous urge inside of you to live the life of your dreams. 

Are you ready?

Work-Life Balance: Fact or Fiction?

Once upon a time, I was on a fast downward spiral inside of a gray cubicle.  I wanted so desperately to make an impact with my work that I let it overtake my life and nearly destroy everything else that was good.  I was driven to succeed at all costs.

And it nearly cost me everything.

My husband was considering leaving me, the only time I spent with friends was at happy hour drinking away a dissatisfying work week, and nightly takeout and coffee overload was taking a toll on my energy levels and my waistline. 

I loved my work and was great at it, but wasn’t there something more?  I desperately craved true connections with family and friends, nutrition & exercise that left me feeling confident in my own skin, dates with my husband, traveling without constantly checking my work email, time to ENJOY the life I was creating.  I was working so hard to have these things, but I was totally neglecting them in the process.

I wanted a balance between work and life, that ever-elusive corporate buzzword: work-life balance. 

My company, all my professional networking groups, and everything I read about happiness for the corporate, working woman touted balance as the solution to all my problems.  And while the idea of balance always seemed dreamy and idyllic, there’s something about it that alluded me for years.

Here’s the thing:

Balance implies equilibrium, a state where all things are equal.  That’s not a reality.

In all my roles, from my environmental consulting gig to my stint teaching high school to my work in the government to my years in IT, I never felt like I’d found a balance.  And yet, aside from the soul-sucking consulting job, I was remarkably happy and growing happier as I job-hopped along trying to find my place. 

Here’s what I’ve learned:

There will be late nights at work scrambling to meet some crazy, unreasonable deadline.

There will be lazy Sundays spent binge-watching reruns of Househunters International and dreaming of foreign places while in bed, ordering takeout. 

There will be weeks where you meal prep and execute like a champ, and others where the plan you made on Sunday goes to shit on Monday.

There will be a morning gym routine that’ll get ignored when you’re just too damn tired to get out of bed.

There will be family vacations that feel like a dream and others you can’t wait to be over so you can get back to work.

Balance, in the traditional sense, is a myth – all things will never be equal. But I found a version of balance that’s just right for me… and there’s one that’s just right for you, too. 

Here's What's Really Holding You Back

I’ve spent the last few weeks talking with smart, educated, successful women about a brand-new coaching program I’m launching soon.  They’ve got credentials out the wazoo.  They’ve got prestigious job titles and nice, fat paychecks.  And they’ve got one thing in common: they’re lacking the confidence they need to live the life they dream of.

You know how I noticed?  Because, I was in their shoes not terribly long ago and from time to time, I’m still wearing them around.

And it turns out this is an epidemic among women and the basis for a book called The Confidence Code (being added to my to-read list ASAP). 

I talked a few weeks ago about 6 Tips to Up Your Confidence at Work, but what I’ve really honed in on over the past few weeks is that THIS ISN’T JUST ABOUT THE OFFICE. 

It bleeds into every area of our lives – from not speaking up in a meeting, to wanting to lose “the last 10 pounds” (seriously, this must be some kind of magic number, because I heard it from every single woman), to feeling guilty about taking time away from work or family to care for themselves.

Ladies, this is a real problem.

If you’re looking for ways to up your confidence every day, try one of these quick-fix recommendations (courtesy of The Confidence Cure):

1. Get in the right position

Research suggests that women won’t seek a promotion unless they feel they have close to 100 percent of the qualifications, while men will go for it if they think they have just 60 percent.

Now, there’s definitely a sweet spot here, and my hat’s off to the guys for figuring this one out.  You want to find a role that you excel at (60% of the qualifications) but that also pushes you outside of your comfort zone and allows you to grow (40% learning curve).

2. Don’t ‘fake it til you make it’

This ages-old adage just needs to die.  Now.

In the age of social media, there’s pressure from all sides to look and act a certain way: to have the perfect job, incredibly fun weekend adventures, exotic vacations, and be pretty and polished for a selfie at any given moment.

But, guess what?  Life doesn’t work like that.  And pretending it does is creating major anxiety for us.

Let go of the expectations and ease into what's real in the present moment.  

3. Make friends with failure

As successful women, we’re programmed to believe that failure is bad.  But failure is our best teacher and when we allow ourselves to go all in and fail fast, we learn best of all.

“Failing fast allows for constant adjustment, testing, and quick movement toward what will actually work. The beauty is that when you fail fast, or early, you have a lot less to lose. Usually you are failing small, rather than spectacularly. And you have a lot to gain from learning as you fail.” (Source: theConfidenceCode.com)

And, if you’re curious where your confidence stands relative to other women, take the free Confidence Quiz over at theConfidenceCode.com. (I scored a medium)

I Had a Huge Fight with My Husband

I’m not one to air my dirty laundry… and in all honesty, I don’t have that much…but on Sunday night I had a big fight with my husband.

We were having a bit of a heated discussion (so emotions were high) and the he did something I despise.  He asked me how I felt and just as I was getting into a response, HE INTERUPPTED ME TO TELL ME HOW HE FELT.  He wasn’t listening to me.

There’s nothing that make us feel unvalued faster than not being heard.

And, of course, it’s not just husbands that do this. 

It’s best friends, bosses, coworkers, moms.  It’s the woman who does your hair, your bartender.  It can be anyone.

I was kind of lucky that this happened with my husband, because once I calmed down a little I was totally comfortable telling him, “You have a communication problem.  You don’t listen.” (trust me, he heard that LOUD and CLEAR)  But, obviously, you can’t exactly say that to your boss and sometimes it’s tough to say that to a friend.

So what do you do when your feelings are heart, your confidence is shot, but you still have something important to say?  Try these 3 tips for getting your message across when you’re not being heard.

1. Step Back

If you’re feeling emotional, it can be a struggle to get your message out there in a way that will really be heard.  Take a brief step back and evaluate what’s at the root of your emotional response and ask yourself how you can use that to your advantage.  I’m not talking about being manipulative here, I’m talking about strategically using your emotions to be a more effective communicator – there’s a difference.

2. Write It Out

If you’re blocked by emotion and struggling to articulate your point of view to the audience in question, write it out.  Writing can be very therapeutic and a great means to get to the root of your message.  You don’t need to share what you wrote, but it is a great tool to develop talking points to move the discussion beyond frustration and into something more valuable.

3. Flip the Script

Chances are, if someone is interrupting you to get their point across, they’re lacking confidence around the topic and feel like their opinion doesn’t matter, either.   (That, or you’re dealing with a huge asshole – we’ll leave this one for another day.)

Start by focusing outward on how they feel, not how you feel.  This may seem counterintuitive, because what you have to say matters, but trust me, it works!  Make them feel the way you want to feel by validating their point of view and then use it as a bridge to explain your own.   

What are your best tips for keeping your cool and getting your message out there when you’re not being heard?

5 Foods You Should Be Eating to Ooze Confidence

You know that food can affect your waistline, but did you know it can have an impact on your confidence, too? 

If you’re feeling low after living on the corporate un-wellness diet, try these 5 foods for confidence instead of your workday staples to start looking and FEELING your best:

1. Eat Kale Salad, Not Pizza

Leaving another lunch meeting stuffed with pizza, feeling bloated and ready for a nap?  Next time, try a kale salad (or other dark, leafy green) instead.  Amongst their many health benefits, dark, leafy greens like kale are high in folate which contributes to the production of serotonin and leaves you feeling cool, calm, and collected.   Kale is also rich in calcium, making a cheesy pizza slice totally unnecessary.  Plus, since dairy causes breakouts in most women, subbing in leafy greens will leave your skin looking amazing.

2. Eat Strawberries, Not Gummy Vitamins

Strawberries are rich in Vitamin C, a surprising mood booster.  Vitamin C helps fight off fatigue and depression and strawberries give you the added bonus of being a low glycemic fruit, so they won’t set you off on the sugar spike and crash cycle.

3. Drink Green Tea, Not a Skinny Vanilla Latte

Green tea is full of antioxidants, naturally low in caffeine, and super hydrating.  Add a few drops of local honey or stevia to sweeten it, as green tea on its own can have a bitter taste.  While coffee also contains antioxidants, the caffeine and sugar are a no-no, especially in the afternoon, if you want to ensure a good night’s sleep.

4. Eat Salmon, Not Chicken Fingers

DHA – an omega-3 fatty acid found in fatty fish has been shown to elevate mood and is anti-inflammatory, as opposed to deep fried chicken fingers which can increase inflammation in the body, leaving you feeling less than your best.

5. Eat Dark Chocolate, Not a Snickers

Hungry, why wait?  Because eating a Snickers will just leave you crashing in an hour anyway.  If you’re looking for a choco-fix, enjoy a small piece of high quality dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher).  Dark chocolate is full of antioxidants that help fight chronic fatigue and oxidative stress in the body.  

6 Tips to Up Your Confidence at Work

In my last corporate gig, I had a manager that just didn't understand me.  He didn’t see the value that I brought to the table.   I'm a top performer and I left work every day feeling horrible about my contribution. What's worse: over-time, I started to forget what I was truly capable of.  

While I knew I had great work in me, the lack of appreciation, understanding, or support left me feeling uninspired, unproductive, and disengaged.  My confidence at work was at an all-time low.

It's in moments like these that I'm reminded that I'm the only one responsible for my happiness and the only one capable of picking myself up.  The solution had to start with me.  Upping my confidence at work created an environment where I was more highly regarded, sought out by key people for my expertise, and just downright HAPPIER at work.

If you’re ready to ooze confidence in the office every day, try these 5 simple strategies:

1.       Have a Vision

It’s hard to get what you want if you don’t know what it is.  Develop a crystal clear vision and spend a few minutes each day thinking about it – what it looks like, what if feels like once you’ve achieved it.  Spending just a few minutes each day being mindful of you vision will leave you feeling the way you want to feel today, not just after your vision is a reality.

2.       Be Prepared

One of the best tidbits of career advice I ever got was to always be prepared to run any meeting, even if it’s not yours.  Being prepared, in any situation, shows that you are organized, resourceful, and on top of your game. Nothing screams confidence like really wowing those around you.

3.       Smile

Smiling sends a very clear message to those around you: you are happy to be in their presence and you are positive and optimistic.  Smiling helps those around you feel warm and welcomed, which will help you leave any interaction feeling confident and secure.

4.       Create Opportunities to Grow

Recognize that each day is a chance to grow as a person and a professional.  What can you do today to be just a little better than you were yesterday?  The shifts don’t need to be monumental – think about the impact that a single small change every day can make over time.

5.       Build on Your Strengths

We all have things that we are naturally great at.  Seek out opportunities to use your strengths.  If an opportunity presents itself, ask for it.  Not sure what your strengths are?  Take the Top 5 Strengths Assessment to find out.

6.       Put Yourself Out There

Just because one person doesn’t see your value, doesn’t mean others don’t or won’t.  Create opportunities where you can contribute on a broader level.Seek out new projects, talk to other teams, ask questions, get involved!  Organizational hierarchies can be tricky, so be careful navigating these waters- but that’s not an excuse not to try to put yourself out there.