Work-Life Balance: Fact or Fiction?

Once upon a time, I was on a fast downward spiral inside of a gray cubicle.  I wanted so desperately to make an impact with my work that I let it overtake my life and nearly destroy everything else that was good.  I was driven to succeed at all costs.

And it nearly cost me everything.

My husband was considering leaving me, the only time I spent with friends was at happy hour drinking away a dissatisfying work week, and nightly takeout and coffee overload was taking a toll on my energy levels and my waistline. 

I loved my work and was great at it, but wasn’t there something more?  I desperately craved true connections with family and friends, nutrition & exercise that left me feeling confident in my own skin, dates with my husband, traveling without constantly checking my work email, time to ENJOY the life I was creating.  I was working so hard to have these things, but I was totally neglecting them in the process.

I wanted a balance between work and life, that ever-elusive corporate buzzword: work-life balance. 

My company, all my professional networking groups, and everything I read about happiness for the corporate, working woman touted balance as the solution to all my problems.  And while the idea of balance always seemed dreamy and idyllic, there’s something about it that alluded me for years.

Here’s the thing:

Balance implies equilibrium, a state where all things are equal.  That’s not a reality.

In all my roles, from my environmental consulting gig to my stint teaching high school to my work in the government to my years in IT, I never felt like I’d found a balance.  And yet, aside from the soul-sucking consulting job, I was remarkably happy and growing happier as I job-hopped along trying to find my place. 

Here’s what I’ve learned:

There will be late nights at work scrambling to meet some crazy, unreasonable deadline.

There will be lazy Sundays spent binge-watching reruns of Househunters International and dreaming of foreign places while in bed, ordering takeout. 

There will be weeks where you meal prep and execute like a champ, and others where the plan you made on Sunday goes to shit on Monday.

There will be a morning gym routine that’ll get ignored when you’re just too damn tired to get out of bed.

There will be family vacations that feel like a dream and others you can’t wait to be over so you can get back to work.

Balance, in the traditional sense, is a myth – all things will never be equal. But I found a version of balance that’s just right for me… and there’s one that’s just right for you, too. 

This Single Daily Activity Will Change Your Life

When I hit rock bottom in my consulting career, I was miserable to be around.  All I did was bitch and complain – about inadequate management, lazy coworkers, my morning commute, crappy clients, my aching back, my messy house.  You name it, and I found a way to complain about it.Guess where all that got me?

Nowhere. 

I felt all alone.

Like there was no one in the world who could understand what I was going through.  Like I was working harder than everyone and no one appreciated ME.  Like I was the lynch pin holding it all together and that if I took a step away, the whole world would come crumbling down.

I hadn’t quite realized yet that my world was already crumbling.

There’s something really subtle here that was preventing me from “seeing the light”…

chronic stress

It wasn’t that no one was appreciating me.  IT WAS THAT I WASN’T APPRECIATING ANYONE ELSE.

By focusing on the lack and frustration in my life, I had blinders on when it came to seeing the good things around me.

Once I started to approach my day, my work, my coworkers, and my husband with gratitude, there was an instant shift.

I stopped feeling alone; I was a supported member of a team.  I realized that I wasn’t the only one effective at getting things done, but that in my blindness, I’d failed to utilize the strength in others.  All of a sudden the tightness in my back, which was likely caused by chronic stress, lessened – I felt looser and freer.

The practice of gratitude allowed me to see the world around me in a completely different way than I had previously been experiencing it.  And the world around me hadn’t really changed, but I had.

Now, I spend a few minutes each morning consciously being grateful for the opportunities that will be available to me in the day ahead – even when my mornings are hectic I find a way to get this done: in the shower, during my workout, in the car, as I’m making breakfast.   

I end my day sharing at least 3 things that I’m grateful for with my husband (usually, once the list starts, it expands way beyond just 3 things).  This has been a really beautiful thing for us to do together and has strengthened our relationship in unmeasurable ways.  Who can you share your gratitude with?

Now, it’s your turn. 

TAKE INSPIRED ACTION: How can you consciously practice gratitude every day?

Do You Invest In Yourself?

My laptop gives me the blue screen of death 3 times a day, which is pretty terrible when you run an online business.

I’ve been talking about investing in a new laptop for a few months, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger, claiming I “didn’t have the money right now.”

Meanwhile, I had almost no problem dropping $200 to take my husband out to a celebratory sushi dinner.

Isn’t that so ass-backwards?  I mean, I should be the first person investing in ME.

Well, after a planning session with one of my coaches and mentors, I finally got over my laptop investment hurdle and got a new one. 

Here’s the thing: I needed permission to invest in myself.  I needed someone else to validate that I was worth it.

How silly is that?

And this problem isn’t unique to me... by a long shot. 

I talk to smart and successful women all the time who tell me they want or, more commonly, NEED to do something to improve their current circumstances, but they “can’t afford it/can’t take time off work/can’t leave their job/don’t have time/can’t <fill in the blank>”.

As a woman, it’s frustrating to see.  But I GET IT because I do it, too.

What will it take for us to realize that we’re worth it?  That investing in ourselves is the only real way to move closer to our dreams?  That we non-challantly waste our time and money on things that don’t serve us instead of going after what we really want?

As I thought about this, the engineer in me came out to play, looking for a step-by-step solution.  And, sure enough, one exists.   Here are the four questions you need to answer to move from avoidance to action when it comes to your own self worth.

What do you need in your life to take it to the next level?

(i.e. What kind of investment do you need to make?)

Let me be clear: this investment does not have to be financial.  It might be an investment of time, love, or energy.

For me, it was a silly thing like buying a laptop.  For you, maybe it’s a vacation, time with a coach to get clear on what you need, or an afternoon with girlfriends, cocktails, and Lifetime movies.

What’s your relationship with money?

Let’s make something very clear: We all have money issues.  Most of them stem from how we were raised and our earliest money memories, but not all.

Do you think money is hard to get?

Do you think you need to save it?

Do you think it’s fleeting?

Do you feel like you’ll never have enough?

Do you need to work hard to earn money? 

Does it come easily to you?

Clearing these out of your system isn’t an easy process and I’m not going to delve into how to do that here (it really deserves it’s on post or series).  For now, I just want you to be aware of what limiting money beliefs exist for you.

What needs to happen for you to make the leap?

For me, I needed permission (and permission from someone who is only a peripheral in my life might I add).  If that’s you, too, I give you permission to jump. 

But it might also be something totally different for you. 

Maybe it’s a phone call with a close friend.  Or your mom.  Or both. 

Maybe it’s checking your credit card balance. 

It might be reading an affirmation before you start your day for a week. 

It might be saying a prayer. 

It could be anything.  Get super, crystal clear on what it is. 

When will you do what needs to happen? 

In coach-speak, what’s your next logical step?

Once you identify what it is, I want you to write out a clear statement on when you will do that thing.  Remember, you’re not committing to your actual investment, just the thing that will get you there.

Now, I want to hear from you.  Do you struggle to invest in yourself?  What’s one key thing you took away from this post that you will implement immediately?

4 Keys to Having It All

How often do we ask ourselves the question: can I have it all?

Our culture pushes us to work for the high-profile job, the big house, the fancy car, the happy marriage, the 2.5 kids, the golden retriever.  Those things will make us happy... won’t they?

having it all

If you cut through all the bull shit, having it all can actually be really simple... at the end of the day, it’s about a shift in PERSPECTIVE, not about what you have or don’t have.

Don’t get me wrong – shifting your perspective takes work.  It is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but the process is simple – there are just 4 keys to having it all.

1. Define what ‘having it all’ means to you. 

Success, in work and in life, looks different for each of us.  What does it look like to you?  Dedicate time to answering this question. 

What will having it all look like? 

What will having it all feel like? 

Where will you be when you have it all? 

Who will be with you? 

Get REALLY clear on your vision of having it all.  Write it out as if you already have it and reflect on it often.  

Lastly, ask yourself how your vision makes you feel?  If it doesn’t get you excited, you’re not being truthful with yourself.  If that’s the case, it’s time to go back to the drawing board.

2. Acknowledge that there will always be give and take. 

I’m pretty open about the fact that I think work life balance is bullshit – there is no such thing as balance.  Priorities are in a constant state of flux. 

It’s not all or nothing, but at any given moment in life, something will take priority.  Be OK with that.  Know that some days you’ll work late, some days you’ll need time off for family, some days you’ll be running to happy hour, and some days a romcom will be calling your name. 

3. Set aside time every day to do something you love. 

It is way too easy to get caught up in our to-do lists and in other people’s agendas.  Set aside time, even if just 5 minutes, to do something that makes you smile.  It could be as simple as savoring a delicious cup of tea or rocking out to your new favorite song.  Or it could be more involved – getting lost in a good book, going for a run, getting a massage.  Bottom line: treat yourself well each day.

make you happy

4. And the absolute most important key to having it all: be grateful for what you have now.

Gratitude is a really amazing thing.  Gratitude breeds happiness.  Gratitude breeds faith – an expectation that good things fill your life and will continue to fill it each day. 

Practicing gratitude helps us to realize, every day, how much we really do have – you know, all those things we all normally take for granted.

And, if by practicing gratitude, you look frequently, closely, and carefully, you’ll learn you already do have it all.

What To Do When You Wake Up Dreading the Day

The alarm goes off and you snooze for another hour.The idea of getting out of bed and starting your day is almost too much to handle.

There is absolutely NOTHING that you’re looking forward to.  In fact, it’s fair to say you’re absolutely DREADING the day.

Here are a few simple steps to get you passed the point of crawling under a rock for all eternity:

1. Define Your Personal Mission Statement

Chances are, if you’re feeling completely drained, you’re doing work that’s not aligned with your values.  By defining a personal mission statement, you can flip your perspective and focus more attention on tasks that align with your mission.   To create your mission statement, start by answering these questions:

• • What do I want to do?
  • Who do I want to help?
  • What is the result? What value will I create?

Stay tuned next week for a complete mission statement how-to.

2. Sweat It Out

exercise sweet

Unless you’ve been under that rock I mentioned above for a REALLY long time, you know that exercise helps elevate your mood.   When you absolutely do not want to workout, that’s the exact time when you SHOULD.  Get moving with something fun – you really don’t have to be chained to the treadmill for this to work.

3. Fuel Up Right

One of the reasons I love, love, LOVE talking about food (aside from it being delicious!) is that what you put in your body has a huge effect on how you feel – both physically and mentally.  To clear some of the “gunk” that’s dragging you down, start your day with warm lemon water with cayenne and a green smoothie.  Load up with a huge leafy green salad for lunch.  Go meatless for dinner (veggie burritos or one-pot quinoa, anyone?).  And of course, hydrate like a mofo.  Divide your weight by 2 to get a rough estimate of the oz. of H2O you need daily.

drink your greens

4. Call Me!

As a coach, I work with clients all the time who are going through EXACTLY what I described above.  Hell, I’ve been there myself!  Overwhelm, underwhelm, lack of motivation and inspiration – whatever it is that’s got you dreading the day, we can work through it.Schedule a free Breakthrough Session to get you back to feeling great.  Remember, procrastination is NOT your friend!

What one step will you take within the next 48 hours to get you jumping out of bed in the morning?