The Cost of Being Constantly Connected

“Being connected in a shallow way to the entire world can prevent us from being deeply connected to those closest to us – including ourselves.” –Arianna Huffington

Let’s talk stats (because numbers are kinda my thing):

• On average, people spend 2 hours per day (a whopping 8% of their day) on their cell phones. • 67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. • 44% of cell owners have slept with their phone next to their bed because they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss any calls, text messages, or other updates during the night. • 29% of cell owners describe their cell phone as “something they can’t imagine living without.”

(Source: PewResearch)

Do you fall into any of these categories?

I’ll be honest… I do. I definitely couldn’t live without my cell phone and I’ve been known to obsessively check for updates (sometimes for more than 2 hours a day…).

I’ve recently gotten to thinking (inspired by Arianna Huffington’s Thrive and my own personal experiments in escaping) about what my hyperconnected lifestyle is costing me.

I’ve been missing out on special moments with my husband, time spent being present and REALLY HEARING friends and family, and a more mindful connection to my body and my higher purpose.

What’s it costing you?

When I really started to dig deep into this issue, I realized how completely unnecessary it was. I mean, 15 years ago Zach Morris was just about the only person I knew with a cell phone. People DID live without them. Could I?

Yes, yes I can.

I’ve recently proclaimed Saturday my cell phone sabbatical – it’s incredible how liberating a day of digital detox can be! I’ve been asked how I do it… Here’s my Saturday protocol (+ a few other tips for disconnecting):

• Keep it simple (& temptation free): I let my phone battery dip to zero on Friday night before bed (or overnight if necessary) and I wait to charge it until bedtime on Saturday night. • If it’ll ease your mind, set up an in case of emergency plan with close friends & family. Let them know where and how they can reach you ahead of time (it’ll help to define what an emergency is, too!). • Make plans (get directions, show times, make reservations) ahead of time OR just fly by the seat of your pants – because why not?!?!? • If you sleep with your phone by your bed to use its alarm (like me), set that baby on airplane mode for the night. You’ll protect your dome from wacky radiowaves (if you believe in that type of thing) and you won’t disturb your beauty rest. • Start your day without your phone – that means NOT checking email or Facebook as soon as you wake up. Set a time when checking in is OK.

Do you struggling with unplugging? What have you found that helps you?

You'll Never Have Balance Without These 3 Things

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet.Listen - you CAN have balance: work that feels your soul and a life to match.  But we all know it doesn't come easy.  This week, I'm sharing the 3 things that you HAVE to do to achieve work life balance.

After you watch the video, comment below and share 1 thing you will do to create your dream life this week.

Finding Your Passions: 5 Questions to Ask

"The more I pursue my passions, the more uncomplicated my life gets... It’s not the imbalance-ness that stresses me, it’s doing meaningless things that aren’t taking me where I want to go.” – Danielle LaPorte

One of the keys to living a balanced life is to fuel your passions at every chance you get.

But, there’s a big problem … so many of us have lost sight of our passions in the mundane, day-to-day routines.  We’ve defined ourselves as girlfriends, wives, mothers, employees… but that’s not who we are or what we’re passionate about. That’s just a part of our lives and we can’t come completely to those roles without a deeper connection to our passions.

First, know that if you feel disconnected from your passions, you are not alone.  When I was caught in my vicious work cycle, it felt like that was the only thing I had in my life – I was an engineer, a project manager, and a student. 

For me, it took cutting the cords with that work to learn more about who I truly was.  But, lucky for you, I’ve learned a few shortcuts along the way to help you get to the root of your passions without the 5-year soul searching journey that I went through.

To get started with finding your passions, answer these 5 questions as candidly and honestly as possible. 

1. What could you do all day long without a break and not get bored?
2. When you were a kid, what did you aspire to be?
3. If you were to win an award, what would you want it to be for?
4. Finish this sentence: “It’s a good day when…”
5. Disregarding time, location, or finances, what does your perfect day look like?  Where are you, who are you with, and what are you doing?

Don’t rush through; take your time.  You might need to block out a couple hours on a Saturday afternoon or get up a ½ hour early to spend some quiet time journaling on this.  Whatever it is, make the investment in you and finding the answers you need to start living a life filled with passion.  You deserve it. 

Here's What's Really Holding You Back

I’ve spent the last few weeks talking with smart, educated, successful women about a brand-new coaching program I’m launching soon.  They’ve got credentials out the wazoo.  They’ve got prestigious job titles and nice, fat paychecks.  And they’ve got one thing in common: they’re lacking the confidence they need to live the life they dream of.

You know how I noticed?  Because, I was in their shoes not terribly long ago and from time to time, I’m still wearing them around.

And it turns out this is an epidemic among women and the basis for a book called The Confidence Code (being added to my to-read list ASAP). 

I talked a few weeks ago about 6 Tips to Up Your Confidence at Work, but what I’ve really honed in on over the past few weeks is that THIS ISN’T JUST ABOUT THE OFFICE. 

It bleeds into every area of our lives – from not speaking up in a meeting, to wanting to lose “the last 10 pounds” (seriously, this must be some kind of magic number, because I heard it from every single woman), to feeling guilty about taking time away from work or family to care for themselves.

Ladies, this is a real problem.

If you’re looking for ways to up your confidence every day, try one of these quick-fix recommendations (courtesy of The Confidence Cure):

1. Get in the right position

Research suggests that women won’t seek a promotion unless they feel they have close to 100 percent of the qualifications, while men will go for it if they think they have just 60 percent.

Now, there’s definitely a sweet spot here, and my hat’s off to the guys for figuring this one out.  You want to find a role that you excel at (60% of the qualifications) but that also pushes you outside of your comfort zone and allows you to grow (40% learning curve).

2. Don’t ‘fake it til you make it’

This ages-old adage just needs to die.  Now.

In the age of social media, there’s pressure from all sides to look and act a certain way: to have the perfect job, incredibly fun weekend adventures, exotic vacations, and be pretty and polished for a selfie at any given moment.

But, guess what?  Life doesn’t work like that.  And pretending it does is creating major anxiety for us.

Let go of the expectations and ease into what's real in the present moment.  

3. Make friends with failure

As successful women, we’re programmed to believe that failure is bad.  But failure is our best teacher and when we allow ourselves to go all in and fail fast, we learn best of all.

“Failing fast allows for constant adjustment, testing, and quick movement toward what will actually work. The beauty is that when you fail fast, or early, you have a lot less to lose. Usually you are failing small, rather than spectacularly. And you have a lot to gain from learning as you fail.” (Source: theConfidenceCode.com)

And, if you’re curious where your confidence stands relative to other women, take the free Confidence Quiz over at theConfidenceCode.com. (I scored a medium)

5 Things You Have to Do This Holiday Weekend

It’s here... Memorial Day: the unofficial kickoff to summer! In celebration of all things summer – HEAT, dresses, salty hair, flip flops, beaches, BBQS, camping, vacations, farmer’s markets, and fireworks (just a few of my favorite things), let’s all agree to savor every second of this 3-day weekend.  Here’s the 5 things on my must-do list this weekend – what’s on yours?

1. Sleep In

The older I get, the less sleeping in on the weekend feels like a given and the more it feels like a luxury.  I plan on spending at least one morning this weekend cuddled up with my husband and kitties, listening to the sounds of my neighborhood as it wakes up, and having a super relaxing start to the day.

2. Disconnect

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to put my phone down and connect with people in real life more.  This weekend, I’m really going to challenge myself by turning my phone off for a full 24-hours.

enjoy people

3. Get Outside

Living in a city, it can be easy to feel trapped in the “concrete jungle”, but I’m thankful to live in a city with a robust park system (seriously, did you know Philadelphia has the largest landscaped park in the US?).    I’m not sure I’ll be able to escape to the mountains this weekend, but I’ll definitely be enjoying some of the amazing outdoor spaces Philly has to offer – whether Fairmount Park or the riverfront. 

4. Try Something New

While I consider myself pretty risk-averse, I love an adventure.  I love trying new things… in a safe space.  I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but I plan on getting out of my comfort zone and doing something I’ve never done before.

5. Cook a Delicious Meal

I’ll be honest… these days I rarely have time to cook a fancy meal.  Dinner’s are usually grilled fish and steamed vegetables, but this week I’ll be cracking open some of my favorite cookbooks and experimenting in my kitchen and on my grill.

cook at home

No matter what you're up to, have a great time and enjoy some well-earned time off!  xo.

Do You Invest In Yourself?

My laptop gives me the blue screen of death 3 times a day, which is pretty terrible when you run an online business.

I’ve been talking about investing in a new laptop for a few months, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger, claiming I “didn’t have the money right now.”

Meanwhile, I had almost no problem dropping $200 to take my husband out to a celebratory sushi dinner.

Isn’t that so ass-backwards?  I mean, I should be the first person investing in ME.

Well, after a planning session with one of my coaches and mentors, I finally got over my laptop investment hurdle and got a new one. 

Here’s the thing: I needed permission to invest in myself.  I needed someone else to validate that I was worth it.

How silly is that?

And this problem isn’t unique to me... by a long shot. 

I talk to smart and successful women all the time who tell me they want or, more commonly, NEED to do something to improve their current circumstances, but they “can’t afford it/can’t take time off work/can’t leave their job/don’t have time/can’t <fill in the blank>”.

As a woman, it’s frustrating to see.  But I GET IT because I do it, too.

What will it take for us to realize that we’re worth it?  That investing in ourselves is the only real way to move closer to our dreams?  That we non-challantly waste our time and money on things that don’t serve us instead of going after what we really want?

As I thought about this, the engineer in me came out to play, looking for a step-by-step solution.  And, sure enough, one exists.   Here are the four questions you need to answer to move from avoidance to action when it comes to your own self worth.

What do you need in your life to take it to the next level?

(i.e. What kind of investment do you need to make?)

Let me be clear: this investment does not have to be financial.  It might be an investment of time, love, or energy.

For me, it was a silly thing like buying a laptop.  For you, maybe it’s a vacation, time with a coach to get clear on what you need, or an afternoon with girlfriends, cocktails, and Lifetime movies.

What’s your relationship with money?

Let’s make something very clear: We all have money issues.  Most of them stem from how we were raised and our earliest money memories, but not all.

Do you think money is hard to get?

Do you think you need to save it?

Do you think it’s fleeting?

Do you feel like you’ll never have enough?

Do you need to work hard to earn money? 

Does it come easily to you?

Clearing these out of your system isn’t an easy process and I’m not going to delve into how to do that here (it really deserves it’s on post or series).  For now, I just want you to be aware of what limiting money beliefs exist for you.

What needs to happen for you to make the leap?

For me, I needed permission (and permission from someone who is only a peripheral in my life might I add).  If that’s you, too, I give you permission to jump. 

But it might also be something totally different for you. 

Maybe it’s a phone call with a close friend.  Or your mom.  Or both. 

Maybe it’s checking your credit card balance. 

It might be reading an affirmation before you start your day for a week. 

It might be saying a prayer. 

It could be anything.  Get super, crystal clear on what it is. 

When will you do what needs to happen? 

In coach-speak, what’s your next logical step?

Once you identify what it is, I want you to write out a clear statement on when you will do that thing.  Remember, you’re not committing to your actual investment, just the thing that will get you there.

Now, I want to hear from you.  Do you struggle to invest in yourself?  What’s one key thing you took away from this post that you will implement immediately?

4 Keys to Having It All

How often do we ask ourselves the question: can I have it all?

Our culture pushes us to work for the high-profile job, the big house, the fancy car, the happy marriage, the 2.5 kids, the golden retriever.  Those things will make us happy... won’t they?

having it all

If you cut through all the bull shit, having it all can actually be really simple... at the end of the day, it’s about a shift in PERSPECTIVE, not about what you have or don’t have.

Don’t get me wrong – shifting your perspective takes work.  It is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but the process is simple – there are just 4 keys to having it all.

1. Define what ‘having it all’ means to you. 

Success, in work and in life, looks different for each of us.  What does it look like to you?  Dedicate time to answering this question. 

What will having it all look like? 

What will having it all feel like? 

Where will you be when you have it all? 

Who will be with you? 

Get REALLY clear on your vision of having it all.  Write it out as if you already have it and reflect on it often.  

Lastly, ask yourself how your vision makes you feel?  If it doesn’t get you excited, you’re not being truthful with yourself.  If that’s the case, it’s time to go back to the drawing board.

2. Acknowledge that there will always be give and take. 

I’m pretty open about the fact that I think work life balance is bullshit – there is no such thing as balance.  Priorities are in a constant state of flux. 

It’s not all or nothing, but at any given moment in life, something will take priority.  Be OK with that.  Know that some days you’ll work late, some days you’ll need time off for family, some days you’ll be running to happy hour, and some days a romcom will be calling your name. 

3. Set aside time every day to do something you love. 

It is way too easy to get caught up in our to-do lists and in other people’s agendas.  Set aside time, even if just 5 minutes, to do something that makes you smile.  It could be as simple as savoring a delicious cup of tea or rocking out to your new favorite song.  Or it could be more involved – getting lost in a good book, going for a run, getting a massage.  Bottom line: treat yourself well each day.

make you happy

4. And the absolute most important key to having it all: be grateful for what you have now.

Gratitude is a really amazing thing.  Gratitude breeds happiness.  Gratitude breeds faith – an expectation that good things fill your life and will continue to fill it each day. 

Practicing gratitude helps us to realize, every day, how much we really do have – you know, all those things we all normally take for granted.

And, if by practicing gratitude, you look frequently, closely, and carefully, you’ll learn you already do have it all.

What To Do When You Wake Up Dreading the Day

The alarm goes off and you snooze for another hour.The idea of getting out of bed and starting your day is almost too much to handle.

There is absolutely NOTHING that you’re looking forward to.  In fact, it’s fair to say you’re absolutely DREADING the day.

Here are a few simple steps to get you passed the point of crawling under a rock for all eternity:

1. Define Your Personal Mission Statement

Chances are, if you’re feeling completely drained, you’re doing work that’s not aligned with your values.  By defining a personal mission statement, you can flip your perspective and focus more attention on tasks that align with your mission.   To create your mission statement, start by answering these questions:

• • What do I want to do?
  • Who do I want to help?
  • What is the result? What value will I create?

Stay tuned next week for a complete mission statement how-to.

2. Sweat It Out

exercise sweet

Unless you’ve been under that rock I mentioned above for a REALLY long time, you know that exercise helps elevate your mood.   When you absolutely do not want to workout, that’s the exact time when you SHOULD.  Get moving with something fun – you really don’t have to be chained to the treadmill for this to work.

3. Fuel Up Right

One of the reasons I love, love, LOVE talking about food (aside from it being delicious!) is that what you put in your body has a huge effect on how you feel – both physically and mentally.  To clear some of the “gunk” that’s dragging you down, start your day with warm lemon water with cayenne and a green smoothie.  Load up with a huge leafy green salad for lunch.  Go meatless for dinner (veggie burritos or one-pot quinoa, anyone?).  And of course, hydrate like a mofo.  Divide your weight by 2 to get a rough estimate of the oz. of H2O you need daily.

drink your greens

4. Call Me!

As a coach, I work with clients all the time who are going through EXACTLY what I described above.  Hell, I’ve been there myself!  Overwhelm, underwhelm, lack of motivation and inspiration – whatever it is that’s got you dreading the day, we can work through it.Schedule a free Breakthrough Session to get you back to feeling great.  Remember, procrastination is NOT your friend!

What one step will you take within the next 48 hours to get you jumping out of bed in the morning?

Goals with Soul: Starting 2014 Differently

Have you ever worked hard to accomplish something and then when you get it you just feel ‘blah’? So, then, you rush on to the next thing, thinking that was really what you needed all along... but, still, you feel unsatisfied, like something is missing?

“Constant racing for success creates habitual and unconscious goal-setting. We need to re-learn how to move toward our dreams — with the grace of trust, the grit of devotion, and the thrill of true presence.” -Danielle LaPorte

I often refer to myself as a classic over-achiever and that right there is me to a “T”. Once upon a time, I was pushing to prove myself in a way that caused me to completely lose track of who I was.

• I got a Master’s degree and a professional license and then left the engineering profession 6 months later.
• I completed a year of yoga teacher training and then decided I didn’t want to teach yoga.
• I worked 60- 80 hours a week at a job I was miserable at because I thought I needed a flashy title to be successful.

All the while, I was miserable, disconnected, and drained – NOT how I wanted to feel.

>>> Insert Danielle LaPorte<<<

I have a major girl-crush on Danielle. Her work The Firestarter Sessions literally changed my life. It LIT ME UP, challenged my thoughts on success, and helped me zero in on the life I wanted to live.

In FSS, Danielle introduces the idea of core desired feelings – DECIDING HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL FIRST and then setting your goals around FEELING THAT WAY. FEELING GOOD. Revo-fucking-lutionary.

But it doesn’t end there. Next, Danielle created the Desire Map – a complete system to IDENTIFY and CREATE ACTION around your core desired feelings.

This January, Desire Map bookclubs will meet up all over the world to desire, dream, and create goals with soul. For those in the Philadelphia area, I invite you to join my group (limited to 12 people). For out-of-towners, you can visit this site to find a bookclub near you.

How about starting 2014 differently? "All juice. No push. Feeling good is the goal. Check." -Danielle LaPorte